This post is about feminism. It's about not knowing anything and feeling like I might know everything but refusing to allow myself to feel that way. It's about women and men and most of all it's about:
Sarah Dropek IN Jordan
and at the same time about how I'm not actually here at all.
Firstly, the catalyst. Today we began our lecture week on Women in Islam. Our first speaker came, Dr. Samira Khaleidah who teaches here at the University of Jordan and is a lecturer for CIEE (another study abroad program). Recounting her entire lecture and our discussion with her here would be insanely impossible so what follows may not make sense completely because you're not getting the whole picture and for that I can't apologize enough because this hour and a half gave me such huge things to think about. I don't think I've ever thought more than when I've been here in my life. Constant overdrive. Not only that but I'm forced to consistently question and think about how I'm thinking. Basically everything blew up in the air and now is slowly falling down around me like ashy soot but hovering above the ground because it's too light to get that far.
Ashy Thought piece #1
Dr. Samira Khaleidah when questioned about what needs to happen for women in the middle east said that women need to be more aware of their rights and demand for them to be taken seriously. It should be stated that she supported the idea that under Sharia law, women are in fact very equal to men and have rights that many don't claim. This first forced me to think about women and men. Why is it that when feminism is mentioned, instantly this discourse arises that the woman is to blame in not being her own advocate? It's hard to say this and not sound like what everyone thinks a crazy feminist sounds like but I'll say it anyway: What's so wrong with blaming the men. I'm all for women being more aware of their rights as human beings and being more forceful about demanding them but there is definitely something to be said for men needed to be educated that they're the problem too. It was sort of an "it takes two to tango" moment. Who is responsible for creating a culture in which women must be told to grab their rights and demand them? Not just the women, my friends. Men too. Empowering women is an important part of the equation but I think that we've lacked a focus for too long on educating men in just about everything that has to do with women (minus biology because we all had to go to that one really awkward class period when the teacher tells you about sex and you've known about it for quite a while now, thank you very much). But seriously, where is our focus on inviting men to discuss feminism and the roles they play in women's lives. I feel like I'm preaching to the american political parties a bit on this one because it sounds eerily similar, but can't we sit together for a bit and talk? Without inviting men to the table, I feel like women will be constantly forced into the position of needing to demand their rights because men are oblivious as to what rights we're calling for and why. Why blame just the victim here and tell her she's the one who has to fix it all even though she's not 100% responsible for the problem in the first place?
Ashy Thought piece #2
Women in Islam. Never have I been so confused about how I feel. I am so IN Jordan in the sense that me in this place feels all the time like a juxtaposition of opposites. At home I pride myself on being open-minded and accepting of things that I might feel are backwards or strange. Whatever, so long as you're not hurting anyone in the long or short run, go for it (blanket generalization but it's midnight right now and I still have homework to do, so forgive the idiocy of that one). Here I am constantly having to reevaluate how open minded I can be especially when I disagree with so many of the practices here, especially in relation to women. What is feminism to these women? What does the hijab or veil mean to them? How do they rationalize their religion calling for more lax dress restrictions for men? Or for that matter generally more lax rules for men? Do they feel cheated? Annoyed? Are they unconcerned? What is going ON! (I find myself exclaiming this at least 4 times a day). Dr. Samira Khaleidah tried to field all of our questions but honestly, how much can we learn from one women about millions? The terrible anthropologist I am, and brain constantly on overdrive, I find that I naturally try to compare how I would feel if I were here and this was my life under these religious laws. I should never do this. No one should. Because how can you judge? But here I am, doing it anyway. And all I feel is anger. Not a rage, rather, a very hot ember that sits and festers away because it can't make a flame. If I were here (which I'm not...not really) I would feel cheated, furious, and that no one around me understood why or even cared. Why are laws different for me, as a woman?? Why is getting married the end-all be-all of my existence here? Am I just an incubator because my husband can take another wife if I can't give him children? (As another student, Molly, ingeniously pointed out) Am I inherently considered to have less sexual desire than men because it is I, and not them, who should be more modest? And what does that say about my equality?
Being here is impossible. Because I am here and yet, I can't be here. Because if I were actually here I would run away ASAP. But then I remember, I don't know anything. I don't know at all how these women feel about this, how they conceptualize these things, if it even bothers them at all. After the lecture today I was struck with such a sad feeling of complete incompatibility with the world here.
Ashy thought piece #3
Which leads me to wonder, am I incompatible? Can I just not come to terms with this place and this culture? Is this where my open-mindedness ends? It can't be! That's not me at all! So what is to be done? I must talk to more people, attempt to contextualize these things I think I understand and really don't get at all. But then Dr. Samira Khaleidah comes to talk to us about how she does conceptualize these things and I find myself feeling icky at every turn. Not agreeing with her but then not wanting to say anything because I'm Sarah, I would never say something mean about how someone feels about their life. Dr. Khaleidah informed us during the lecture that under Islamic law, women are always the responsible (guilty) party when it comes to adultery. I think this is ridiculous and it infuriates me. I want to not say a word and pretend like I didn't hear it and that something else is going on that makes this okay at the same time that I want to scream at her "How can you say this and think that's okay?!?!" But I don't do either. Instead I just sit here, going around in circles, trying to figure out how to deal with this when I don't have all of the information and yet I feel like I have too much information. Help. Please? This shouldn't be that hard and I shouldn't feel so mean and haughty-taughty thinking I know better than these women. Ugh, that's the most disgustingly, un-anthropological thing to ever say (it leaves this icky old gum taste in my mouth to even think it). I know better than them. I can't ever! I can't know better than anyone! I'm just me, in a little box, trying to understand people and only barely getting the surface of who they are. So what can I do? Rescind all judgment forever because you can never really know anyone? That would be inhuman. My brain would explode in trying to be the nicest person ever. And I would definitely not be happy. But I'm not happy condemning other people's way of life either. Which brings me back to square one. I guess that's where everyone should settle, even though it's like sitting int he most uncomfortable position for the the rest of your life at the kiddy-table on thanksgiving day where you can barely hear your own thoughts above the ruckus. But at least square one is safe, if I never make up my mind about anything I don't have to feel bad about everything, right? But it's so uncomfortable and hurts my brain. On this point, I'd like you all to join me at the kiddie-table. I know it sucks and you'd so much rather not have to sit there just like me but it would be terrible for us to go to the big-kids table (who sits there anyway?) when we don't know anything. The big kids table is a dangerous place to be.
Ashy Thought piece #4
A very large part of me wishes I could go back to my tiny world and judge from afar how I feel about everything. But the other smaller, maybe a tad smarter part of me says that it's good that I'm not there anymore. Because that was a mean place to be if I ever saw one.
Ashy Thought piece #5
The issues I have with Islam are the same I have with Christianity. I said this in class today and got some giggles but here's the sitch, if we made the bible law and used it to run our country the way (at least this is what I've gotten the impression of and been told) Jordan does it and other Middle Eastern countries, lots of things would have to be thrown out to make it compatible with the way America actually runs today including probably all of Leviticus (feminist nightmare chapter). Making religion law (and dealing with all of the issues of interpretation be they multiple, literal, or fluid or figurative) is something so difficult to understand. And then on top of that, dealing with the way a culture shapes how people see and interpret that religion and how the religion shapes and reinterprets the culture right back makes everything in such an upheaval it's no wonder people don't understand the state of things here. So maybe instead of being pro-women and pro-gay I'm actually just anti-religion and pro-people just being nice (refer back to mabsooteen post)? That just sounds terrible. In fact, posting this blog will be a bit painful, mainly because I'm letting it all out, terrible sounding ideas and all, be kind in your judgment.
I think that's it. At the end of the day I just want people to be able to do what they want as long as it doesn't hurt anyone else. I just want everyone to be mabsooteen (at the risk of being redundant). So if Dr. Samira Khaleidah is okay with women always being blamed in cases of adultery then go for it. But then, what about the women who aren't okay with that is the question that naturally follows in my mind. Does all of the girth of women's rights around the world just depend on the person who restricts them the most? that just can't be. Goodness. It's now one in the morning and I haven't even started my Arabic homework. I'm a terrible student (and yet a good one at the same time, at least I hope...I am actually trying to think about things, even though lately they've had nothing to do with Arabic and everything to do with anthropology). And my brain hurts from going around in these circles. And if you've read this far, yours probably does too. apologies galore. This is just so majnoon to me.
In regards to the title of this post, when Dr. Samira Khaleidah was explaining what Islamic dress means to Muslim women in other countries she said that maybe it would just be interpreted eventually as different kinds of decent. If this is the case than I am a very different kind of decent in the context of Islam. I'm the kind of decent that things it's more spiritual to run around like a mad person in a beautiful forest with a bikini on with wet hair dripping water everywhere from the rain than it is to hide whatever god (if there is one) made me look like under a scarf and copious amounts of clothing in order to be modest. Because if this is how some magical ting in the sky decided I should look then I'm going to have fun with it and it's going to be a hell of a good time. A very different kind of decent from Dr. Samira Khaleidah with hijab and large thick dress on in lecture today? Hopefully. Because if that's the case then maybe it means we can all be mabsooteen, you know?
Until next time and hopefully a saner time, Love to you all.
Sarah Dropek IN Jordan
and at the same time about how I'm not actually here at all.
Firstly, the catalyst. Today we began our lecture week on Women in Islam. Our first speaker came, Dr. Samira Khaleidah who teaches here at the University of Jordan and is a lecturer for CIEE (another study abroad program). Recounting her entire lecture and our discussion with her here would be insanely impossible so what follows may not make sense completely because you're not getting the whole picture and for that I can't apologize enough because this hour and a half gave me such huge things to think about. I don't think I've ever thought more than when I've been here in my life. Constant overdrive. Not only that but I'm forced to consistently question and think about how I'm thinking. Basically everything blew up in the air and now is slowly falling down around me like ashy soot but hovering above the ground because it's too light to get that far.
Ashy Thought piece #1
Dr. Samira Khaleidah when questioned about what needs to happen for women in the middle east said that women need to be more aware of their rights and demand for them to be taken seriously. It should be stated that she supported the idea that under Sharia law, women are in fact very equal to men and have rights that many don't claim. This first forced me to think about women and men. Why is it that when feminism is mentioned, instantly this discourse arises that the woman is to blame in not being her own advocate? It's hard to say this and not sound like what everyone thinks a crazy feminist sounds like but I'll say it anyway: What's so wrong with blaming the men. I'm all for women being more aware of their rights as human beings and being more forceful about demanding them but there is definitely something to be said for men needed to be educated that they're the problem too. It was sort of an "it takes two to tango" moment. Who is responsible for creating a culture in which women must be told to grab their rights and demand them? Not just the women, my friends. Men too. Empowering women is an important part of the equation but I think that we've lacked a focus for too long on educating men in just about everything that has to do with women (minus biology because we all had to go to that one really awkward class period when the teacher tells you about sex and you've known about it for quite a while now, thank you very much). But seriously, where is our focus on inviting men to discuss feminism and the roles they play in women's lives. I feel like I'm preaching to the american political parties a bit on this one because it sounds eerily similar, but can't we sit together for a bit and talk? Without inviting men to the table, I feel like women will be constantly forced into the position of needing to demand their rights because men are oblivious as to what rights we're calling for and why. Why blame just the victim here and tell her she's the one who has to fix it all even though she's not 100% responsible for the problem in the first place?
Ashy Thought piece #2
Women in Islam. Never have I been so confused about how I feel. I am so IN Jordan in the sense that me in this place feels all the time like a juxtaposition of opposites. At home I pride myself on being open-minded and accepting of things that I might feel are backwards or strange. Whatever, so long as you're not hurting anyone in the long or short run, go for it (blanket generalization but it's midnight right now and I still have homework to do, so forgive the idiocy of that one). Here I am constantly having to reevaluate how open minded I can be especially when I disagree with so many of the practices here, especially in relation to women. What is feminism to these women? What does the hijab or veil mean to them? How do they rationalize their religion calling for more lax dress restrictions for men? Or for that matter generally more lax rules for men? Do they feel cheated? Annoyed? Are they unconcerned? What is going ON! (I find myself exclaiming this at least 4 times a day). Dr. Samira Khaleidah tried to field all of our questions but honestly, how much can we learn from one women about millions? The terrible anthropologist I am, and brain constantly on overdrive, I find that I naturally try to compare how I would feel if I were here and this was my life under these religious laws. I should never do this. No one should. Because how can you judge? But here I am, doing it anyway. And all I feel is anger. Not a rage, rather, a very hot ember that sits and festers away because it can't make a flame. If I were here (which I'm not...not really) I would feel cheated, furious, and that no one around me understood why or even cared. Why are laws different for me, as a woman?? Why is getting married the end-all be-all of my existence here? Am I just an incubator because my husband can take another wife if I can't give him children? (As another student, Molly, ingeniously pointed out) Am I inherently considered to have less sexual desire than men because it is I, and not them, who should be more modest? And what does that say about my equality?
Being here is impossible. Because I am here and yet, I can't be here. Because if I were actually here I would run away ASAP. But then I remember, I don't know anything. I don't know at all how these women feel about this, how they conceptualize these things, if it even bothers them at all. After the lecture today I was struck with such a sad feeling of complete incompatibility with the world here.
Ashy thought piece #3
Which leads me to wonder, am I incompatible? Can I just not come to terms with this place and this culture? Is this where my open-mindedness ends? It can't be! That's not me at all! So what is to be done? I must talk to more people, attempt to contextualize these things I think I understand and really don't get at all. But then Dr. Samira Khaleidah comes to talk to us about how she does conceptualize these things and I find myself feeling icky at every turn. Not agreeing with her but then not wanting to say anything because I'm Sarah, I would never say something mean about how someone feels about their life. Dr. Khaleidah informed us during the lecture that under Islamic law, women are always the responsible (guilty) party when it comes to adultery. I think this is ridiculous and it infuriates me. I want to not say a word and pretend like I didn't hear it and that something else is going on that makes this okay at the same time that I want to scream at her "How can you say this and think that's okay?!?!" But I don't do either. Instead I just sit here, going around in circles, trying to figure out how to deal with this when I don't have all of the information and yet I feel like I have too much information. Help. Please? This shouldn't be that hard and I shouldn't feel so mean and haughty-taughty thinking I know better than these women. Ugh, that's the most disgustingly, un-anthropological thing to ever say (it leaves this icky old gum taste in my mouth to even think it). I know better than them. I can't ever! I can't know better than anyone! I'm just me, in a little box, trying to understand people and only barely getting the surface of who they are. So what can I do? Rescind all judgment forever because you can never really know anyone? That would be inhuman. My brain would explode in trying to be the nicest person ever. And I would definitely not be happy. But I'm not happy condemning other people's way of life either. Which brings me back to square one. I guess that's where everyone should settle, even though it's like sitting int he most uncomfortable position for the the rest of your life at the kiddy-table on thanksgiving day where you can barely hear your own thoughts above the ruckus. But at least square one is safe, if I never make up my mind about anything I don't have to feel bad about everything, right? But it's so uncomfortable and hurts my brain. On this point, I'd like you all to join me at the kiddie-table. I know it sucks and you'd so much rather not have to sit there just like me but it would be terrible for us to go to the big-kids table (who sits there anyway?) when we don't know anything. The big kids table is a dangerous place to be.
Ashy Thought piece #4
A very large part of me wishes I could go back to my tiny world and judge from afar how I feel about everything. But the other smaller, maybe a tad smarter part of me says that it's good that I'm not there anymore. Because that was a mean place to be if I ever saw one.
Ashy Thought piece #5
The issues I have with Islam are the same I have with Christianity. I said this in class today and got some giggles but here's the sitch, if we made the bible law and used it to run our country the way (at least this is what I've gotten the impression of and been told) Jordan does it and other Middle Eastern countries, lots of things would have to be thrown out to make it compatible with the way America actually runs today including probably all of Leviticus (feminist nightmare chapter). Making religion law (and dealing with all of the issues of interpretation be they multiple, literal, or fluid or figurative) is something so difficult to understand. And then on top of that, dealing with the way a culture shapes how people see and interpret that religion and how the religion shapes and reinterprets the culture right back makes everything in such an upheaval it's no wonder people don't understand the state of things here. So maybe instead of being pro-women and pro-gay I'm actually just anti-religion and pro-people just being nice (refer back to mabsooteen post)? That just sounds terrible. In fact, posting this blog will be a bit painful, mainly because I'm letting it all out, terrible sounding ideas and all, be kind in your judgment.
I think that's it. At the end of the day I just want people to be able to do what they want as long as it doesn't hurt anyone else. I just want everyone to be mabsooteen (at the risk of being redundant). So if Dr. Samira Khaleidah is okay with women always being blamed in cases of adultery then go for it. But then, what about the women who aren't okay with that is the question that naturally follows in my mind. Does all of the girth of women's rights around the world just depend on the person who restricts them the most? that just can't be. Goodness. It's now one in the morning and I haven't even started my Arabic homework. I'm a terrible student (and yet a good one at the same time, at least I hope...I am actually trying to think about things, even though lately they've had nothing to do with Arabic and everything to do with anthropology). And my brain hurts from going around in these circles. And if you've read this far, yours probably does too. apologies galore. This is just so majnoon to me.
In regards to the title of this post, when Dr. Samira Khaleidah was explaining what Islamic dress means to Muslim women in other countries she said that maybe it would just be interpreted eventually as different kinds of decent. If this is the case than I am a very different kind of decent in the context of Islam. I'm the kind of decent that things it's more spiritual to run around like a mad person in a beautiful forest with a bikini on with wet hair dripping water everywhere from the rain than it is to hide whatever god (if there is one) made me look like under a scarf and copious amounts of clothing in order to be modest. Because if this is how some magical ting in the sky decided I should look then I'm going to have fun with it and it's going to be a hell of a good time. A very different kind of decent from Dr. Samira Khaleidah with hijab and large thick dress on in lecture today? Hopefully. Because if that's the case then maybe it means we can all be mabsooteen, you know?
Until next time and hopefully a saner time, Love to you all.
1 comments:
Too many thoughts to type at work, but... wow. MY brain now hurts. I have started my Thursday with many debates and questions that have caused fury. Thank you for the intellectual ignition, my friend.
I thoroughly enjoy reading each post as it allows me to learn about another place/culture as well as see how my wonderful friend is doing. I know you do (and always will) have control of your life, but try to enjoy your time there. It is an incredible opportunity that you have in your midst. Learn, judge, and question as you please, but also enjoy. You will not live there permanently (unless you so desire, which I am not anticipating) so, embrace these next months.
I am ready for our wine night to hear about all of these hot topics in person. Much love and big hugs.
Kacieleigh
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