Moving on now...

There's no snazzy way to move on from last blog post to this one, so I'm not even going to try. Suffice it to say, I'm back in Amman, trying my hardest to get going on ISP because, oh, before I can come home, I have to do this whole "legitimate research" thing. Purrrfect.

ANYway, Let's begin shall we? The long, arduous task of bringing back the humor to this blog/to my life (not as hard as the former, i think).

Well for starters, I ran a half marathon. And by that I mean I walked about 4 km of it but ran the rest of the way (with Megan, who else?) If you'd like a beautiful, metaphorical picture of the marathon running, see her blog, it's actually quite touching. Here I was thinking I'd never run another half marathon after I ran one with my dad when I was younger (sans training, like an idiot) and felt like my knees were going to explode. Anyway, another 21 km under my belt as Megan and I ran to the Dead Sea with thousands of other people. I'd like to say I didn't notice every guy we ran past or every marathon guard we jogged by watch us and stare. But I did. Side effect? Probably. But I'm working on bringing the humor back so laugh away as I tell you that I totally listened to two Switchfoot albums on repeat the entire 13.1 miles.

And here we are crossing the finish line together. Felt good.

And with the advent of ISP period starting i've got to get cracking on this whole research thing. So I start looking around for some Foucault. I want to use the idea of Panopticon in my research and I needed a work by him that wasn't available on JSTOR or EBSCO because it's a full book. Megan and I go to the University of Jordan and search around a very dark library where the internet says it's there but refuses to work and where there aren't enough places to sit so you find yourself in a corner between Islamic studies in Arabic and plant toxicology studies in English, just praying that maybe, maybe you'll get a call number and things will work. Here, once again, I will implore you, dear reader to read Megan's blog yet again for a good laugh about our struggles in finding books in this country. Her newest post "Do they even Read Here" chronicles our search for academic life in Jordan. 

I found a compendium of Foucault eventually at a library today and I will make do, I suppose. But I think I'm going to have to lower my standards a little if I'm going to complete a research project here without losing my mind. 

And now to what I really wanted to blog about today. At the culmination of our library stay, Megan and I left to catch a cab back to our homeland at SIT. A group of 3 guys and 2 girls walks by and one of the guys asks Megan what her name is. We both hesitate because in Jordan, you find out very quickly, you've met more people than you think you have and forgotten more of them than you should have. And it normally comes back to haunt you in awkward social interactions.

She gives her name and then when we both realize we have no idea who this is, we sort of start to khalas that convo and they walk away, one of the guys, turning around and clicking his tongue at us and hissing... You, dear reader, might not understand how much of an insult this is, but it is. You have no idea. 

Later on I told Megan, fi Amrika, that guy would have been slapped before he could inhale to hiss at us again. However, once again, I. Am. In. Jordan. Lucky him, right? Megan starts musing and wondering if any American would ever do that to an obvious foreigner in the U.S. An I can't imagine that happening. I'm sure it does, but I just can't fathom it.

This leads me to my main point of this post, Jordan prides it's tourism on having some of the nicest people in the world. And truly, Jordan hospitality is great. But I feel, in my pessimistic state that has been circumstantially induced in this country, it's my job to tell you (should you ever visit Jordan), expect lovely hospitality, yes, but remember, a$$hole teenage boys are that way everywhere. I'm ignoring the fact that anthropologically speaking that's the worst generalization to ever be making but I just can't be bothered right now. As Megan and I waited for a cab I sat and watched those boys stare and heckle at 2 girls walking by, just going about their lives (being forced to listen to these guys make fun of them as they walk around). 

Dear men/boys (if that's what you decide you want to act like),

                       Women make up roughly half of the population. And we also have two legs. So forgive us for walking places in public sometimes. We may or may not have places to be too, just like you. And nice, anthropologically sensitive (at least to things like this) Sarah got left behind in Petra. So if I catch one more man-child whistling and laughing at a woman who is just trying to live her life and get to school or work or back home, I will get in your face about it. Even if, and especially if, your two friends who are girls watching you do this do not. Because they need to know it's okay to call you out on being stupid and you need to know you're being an idiot. 

Sincerely, Sarah.

And now we can move onto some important things. Such as my short temper for anthropological sensitivity these days. I know you are probably freaking out right now, I am too! Cultural relativism was my claim to fame! No judgement right? Well recently I've taken to being a big meanie. Not about everything, but about some very important things. Mostly men. Okay, so I kind of know what happened, I suppose. And you do too. How to bounce back from this one...At least in the ways that matter. I certainly need to stop hatin' on all Jordanian men. Case in point, about 1 minute after that moment on the street some guy randomly says to me, "Do you want a cab?" I warily begin walking towards where he gestures and see that he is legitimately giving us a cab he has hailed. It didn't quite make up for everything but definitely gave me a much needed reminder that not everyone is out to get you/be sexist/generally be annoying. 

Which leads me right back to where I've started really. Lists normally help a bit and because blogger still hasn't given me a way to thought map this one out, here's a list to begin...

Things I think I'm pretty sure about (notice all the qualifiers):

1. I will be a negative nancy-pants for a while concerning all Jordanian men.

2. Eventually I will get over the whiny five-year-old stage and decide generalizing to a whole gender is not a healthy decision.

3. I will never wear shorts again in the country in public (I thought the marathon would be a good excuse but when eyes feel like they're burning into your skin, it's just not worth the extra coolness when you're running, oh I don't know, MILES).

4. I will feel compelled for a bit and maybe forever to give all men who approach/instigate conversation with me the "I perfected this 'i-could-kill-you-look' by watching the Matrix and thinking Trinity was just the coolest person in the movie" look. And I will have to be prepared to look like an idiot when they're actually nice and offer me a cab. 

5. I will be more vocal when I'm annoyed by men here, possibly to my detriment. I mean, don't be worried parentals, I'm not a complete idiot, but really, I'm done just standing by and not saying something just because I'm not sure if it's my place to say something. (I've had a discussion here with other students several times about the odd area we [women] occupy here. We are obviously not Arab and not men, but we don't completely count as women here either because people here don't hold us to the same standards as women here. I'm doing a terrible job of explaining this. But basically the idea is that we're in flux, somewhere in between being a woman but also being sort of allowed to engage in the 'male world' here also because we're not totally women.... Do you get what I'm trying to say at all? When it comes down to it, I think this is something that has prevented me from speaking up a lot. The fact that I don't get the respect that Arab women get here and yet I lack the power that a man inherently has here. So I'm stuck in the middle and am forced to constantly question my "place" in a situation and how I should (read: can) react.)

6. My paper will not be as good as a paper that I could write were I at school right now. 

7. I will be ready to go home a little bit more everyday even though I do still enjoy this country. I miss bins of organic spinach, green tea 24/7, being a vegetarian, feeling confident in sassing strangers a bit because they're being mean, baking, libraries that I know will have all of the books I need/want. And I will be at peace with the fact that this list will expand even as I continue to enjoy my stay here. 

8. I miss wearing high heels.

9. I will need to be a little more adamant with myself about being myself. I simply refuse to stop smiling at strangers. I know this is almost in direct contradiction to number 4. I do not care. It's my list, after all. 

10. I can't think of a tenth but once you get to nine, a list just begs for a ten so I had to include it.

Well that felt good, right?

I feel it necessary to tack on here that the list of things I will always love here has expanded. Bathrooms and taxi rides. You all have already heard 8 times over why bathrooms here rock. ALONE TIME. End of story. But cab rides... ahh cab rides. Now that i know where the cab should be driving and know I'm not being taken around in circles to up the meter price, I can relax a bit in cabs and I have to tell you, it's  a wonderful time to just check out a bit, or muse over something that's been on my mind, or just generally chill out. 

Basically readers, I love alone time. These are the places I have found it so far. Rejoice!

On another note from another world, I registered today for next years classes. And I got into intermediate drawing. Some things are indeed right with the world. If only I could describe to you the complete happiness I garner from going into the art studio at school for hours and intensely focusing on a piece and people call it 'homework' and 'school'. It's perhaps one of the best things in the world. Add in a perfect cup of coffee and I couldn't be happier. 

I can't think of anything to write for tonight. I feel like I've given you a terrible picture of my crabiness towards Jordan now. But take it all with a grain of salt, I know I am. Apologies for the lack of academic thinking in this post/lack of academic posts in a while. They'll be back soon, not to fret. In the meantime, I hope you're enjoying your life and getting lots of hugs (they really are wonderful). below are some photos to satiate you from various places. Love!

post marathon. woot!/thanks for walking with me megan. You'll lie but I know you could have run the whole thing. 

Post Petra pow-wow of exhaustion and love with Miller and Anne.

I miss riding horses, but this sufficed. for the moment...

Photo cred to Biff. Mink and I at Abdali (basically like the worlds largest garage sale that is open all the time).

Megan will say this sunset was a failure because of the clouds. But, true to form, I think it was better because of the clouds. When sunsets are too clear I get bored. Then again, I think that view would have been beautiful no matter what.