I'm coming home. Tomorrow morning at 4:30 in the morning, I will wake up and go to the airport and actually be coming home. I can't believe it.
What's funny is saying goodbye to everyone, and saying goodbye to a place I never thought I'd go, a place I still don't understand why I came to, really.
I get attached to places more easily thank I thought I did and it terrifies me a little. I love the little things, like when I would come home here every night after a day at school, and the moon was in Jordan at night, looking out of my cab window and following it all the way home and then as I walked up the steps of my building taking on deep breath, tilting my head to the right a bit and seeing the rabbit in the moon. I'll miss feeling the limestone of the building with my left hand on the wall as I walked to my front door. I'll miss the kitchen at school where I would go to boil a cup of tea to procrastinate work just a little bit more. I'll miss the comfortable smells of all the the places here that I have grown accustomed to.
But more than everything I'll miss the people. And saying goodbye just felt so insufficient and weird and informal and tragically not what it should have been. I'm terrible, terrible at goodbyes.
And really, I just can't believe it's over. It doesn't feel like I've been here at all really and now I'm going home. And I still have no idea why I decided to study abroad randomly and why I just randomly found Jordan. I thought by the end of the program I would be more sure about these things but nope, still just giggling about it all really. What a trip, in so many ways.
I'm so interested to see how I'll feel about everything a year from now, or five.
Coming home is going to be so good and so stressful. But really, coming home is stressful, being here is stressful, going away is freeing but stressful. Maybe it's not these things, maybe life is just stressful and I need to just be okay with that really.
Well, I'm sure I'll post something more notable soon but this is just a little half goodbye to start. I've made my going home playlist (with help from Paul's CD he made everyone) to listen to on the plane. It's so funny to be going back. It's so funny that I was even here.
See everyone soon.
What's funny is saying goodbye to everyone, and saying goodbye to a place I never thought I'd go, a place I still don't understand why I came to, really.
I get attached to places more easily thank I thought I did and it terrifies me a little. I love the little things, like when I would come home here every night after a day at school, and the moon was in Jordan at night, looking out of my cab window and following it all the way home and then as I walked up the steps of my building taking on deep breath, tilting my head to the right a bit and seeing the rabbit in the moon. I'll miss feeling the limestone of the building with my left hand on the wall as I walked to my front door. I'll miss the kitchen at school where I would go to boil a cup of tea to procrastinate work just a little bit more. I'll miss the comfortable smells of all the the places here that I have grown accustomed to.
But more than everything I'll miss the people. And saying goodbye just felt so insufficient and weird and informal and tragically not what it should have been. I'm terrible, terrible at goodbyes.
And really, I just can't believe it's over. It doesn't feel like I've been here at all really and now I'm going home. And I still have no idea why I decided to study abroad randomly and why I just randomly found Jordan. I thought by the end of the program I would be more sure about these things but nope, still just giggling about it all really. What a trip, in so many ways.
I'm so interested to see how I'll feel about everything a year from now, or five.
Coming home is going to be so good and so stressful. But really, coming home is stressful, being here is stressful, going away is freeing but stressful. Maybe it's not these things, maybe life is just stressful and I need to just be okay with that really.
Well, I'm sure I'll post something more notable soon but this is just a little half goodbye to start. I've made my going home playlist (with help from Paul's CD he made everyone) to listen to on the plane. It's so funny to be going back. It's so funny that I was even here.
See everyone soon.
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