Going abroad is exhausting. No one warned me about this. In fact, I was suffering under the incorrect assumption for a while that I would actually have more free time when I left the country to come the Jordan. This has proven not the case. I am exhausted on all fronts. But a good kind of exhausted. Let's count the ways:
Emotionally, Intellectually, Physically, Creatively and a few more -ally words that I can't think about right now becasue of the sheer effort it would take to pry those words from the recesses of my mind and put them in this box of a blog post. So just imagine that it happened.
Emotionally
This one is pretty easy for everyone to imagine. But live it and then get back to me. Not only am I being tested on so many fronts here with just general cultural interaction (as I am finding more and more I'm just inherently incompatible with the Middle East...) but I'm also just making so many friends and keeping up with the ones back home, and my parents, and everyone in between while fostering relationships here is exhausting. I'm having to span my socialization between thousands of miles and donating proper attention to each, it's crazy.
On another note, today, during our classes trip to get group falafel deliciousness, I was told near the end of the lunch by a lovely professor who only meant well, "Sarah, cultural note..." at which point I interrupted her, knowing the inevitable and said, "too loud?". She nodded and I realized that maybe I should laugh a little less, or at least control it in public spheres. But that just sounds so sad. Besides, I love laughing. I refuse. Controlling how loudly I laugh just seems inherently against the very act of laughing itself. Sorry Jordanians sitting near me in advance.
Intellectually
Never did I think I would struggle so much in wrapping my head around things here. But I am. First off let me say, I love my advisor at home. Who else would help me work my way through anthropological issues like she does? No one, my friends, no one. She's awesome, be jealous.
So what exactly are we musing over in our discussions? Basically how my entire way of viewing culture and 'the other' has been completely thrown by this book I'm reading at the moment (Feminism and Islamic Fundamentalism: The Limits of Postmodern Analysis). Referring back to what I had previously written here in this blog about the hijab in the context of this book I truly want to just scrap everything I said and start over...maybe. I haven't finished the book yet, or made up my mind yet. Will I ever? Doubtful. Is there an easy solution? I thought so, not anymore. I'll give you a snippet of stuff I've been chewing over for a while and struggling with so maybe you can get on this confusing train with me and maybe give opinions and/or comments, I'd be interested to know how you guys look at this. Read below for some mind killing anthropological fun:
Quotation from Book: "It is also politically problematic to use postmodernism's fragmented conceptual framework to select the countries for which individual liberties and rights to self-determination, national identity, and cultural authenticity are deemed appropriate. Such and approach quickly leads breeds indifference towards poor countries and peoples outside the West. It suggests that suffering from poverty, repression, and violence is somehow endemic and 'natural', and need not be a cause for worries in the West. Eventually, people in thee societies will solve their problems at 'their own pace and rhythm', and we owe them the respect of letting this occur. Besides, the meaning of 'suffering' and 'poverty' are themselves subjects of debate, and have to be culturally defined, locally, before any global response can legitimately be offered. It should be clear that this convoluted understanding of cultural difference is incompatible with a commitment to the defense of human rights. Whatever their intent, arguments which assert the right of different cultures to establish, define, and exercise their own standards, meanings, and principles play directly into the hands of political and economic elites, religious leaders and authoritarian regimes, and above all, fundamentalists, who argue, for their own purposes, that the notion of human rights if 'culture-bound' and Western, that international measures for human rights are imperialist ploys."
Me, thinking about above Quotation: I see where she's coming from I think and am frightened a bit by how familiar it sounds to something I would have said if pressured on the topic of why it was okay for certain things to be okay in the Middle East but not in the US. However, when she says that arguments that allow cultures to define and establish their own rules are inherently incompatible with calling for the rights of humans she seems to be doing something very similar to what she warned against a sentence earlier. Because how can she define exactly what human rights are anyway? And even aside from that, that whole last sentence, while it makes a lot of sense with what she just says, seems so terrible! Not allowing different cultures to have different rules...What is the other option if that isn't it? Forcing every culture to be the same in the way that she thinks protects human rights adequately? Dr. Moghissi (the author), up at a school in Toronto telling cultures what rules are okay and which ones are just too much of an infringement. Do you see what I mean? It's so difficult to understand what she's writing sometimes and even harder to talk about it in any cohesive way. I'm just left annoyed a bit and confused because she bashed my only easy way of being nice but then didn't give me another option except (from as far as I can read into what she's writing) to call for cultures to be the same so we can ensure they're all being held accountable for human rights. And just thinking about that feels...icky, sticky, I don't know. Something's so wrong about saying it. But then she made so much sense 3 sentences or so up. I just don't know.
Anyway, that's just a little taste of how upside down my world feels intellectually. Do you see the source of exhaustion now? Also, we keep having these speakers at SIT that stir up thinking about women's issues here and abroad. It's crazy. And good, but in an annoying, "god why can't I just go back to the simplicity I had!" way.
Addendum: We just had a beautiful lecture by an amazing woman, Dr. Rula Quawas, a feminist who made me love her in one lecture. Afterward we SIT children had some awesome discussion time that has only added to all of the things I've been pondering lately. I've recorded it all for myself to listen to again and ponder over, it's too much to go through here and after the lecture and discussion I'm simply too brain-dead to write about it more or digest it even for that matter. Needless to say, there are some amazingly smart students here who, along with my own self and this book are forcing me to think even more about these things and it's great. But, back tot he theme of this post? Exhausting. Haha.
Physically
Well a group of us are attempting to train for the Dead Sea half marathon. This is actually a good thing. The serotonin from running a lot is probably keeping me sane. It's nice. Still, by the time I finish everything I had planned to do for the day (except not at all because I really need to start doing some serious ISP stuff) it's like one o' clock in the morning and I'm consistently probably not getting enough sleep at all. Must change!
Creatively
In order to stave off insanity and give myself some time to let my brain unwind a bit (which is funny to say because brains look pretty wind-y in general, haha), I decided I needed to adopt a form of artistic escape here that I often indulge in in the states. Note to others, if coming to the Middle East and you like acrylics, bring them with you. Nearly impossible to find. But I have oil pastels and a small calligraphy set (that I'm currently loving to death) that I'm using some nights when I can afford to stay up a little later or just can't focus on homework anymore that is providing a much needed escape. It's a tad counter intuitive because it's a scheduled escape, which just feels wrong, but an escape nonetheless. And I love it. Though in retaking up writing sporadically and art, I'm further stressed in trying to try new stuff and not rest of whatever artistic laurels I can claim to have as a non-artist artist.
In short, all of these things are positive stresses. But that does not stop them from being tiring. In similar fashion to Richard Bach's beautiful quotation from a favorite book, "not being known doesn't stop the truth from being true."
Anyway, just an update to keep everyone in the loop of what's going on (this time, less what's going on in Amman and more what's going on in my mind).
Until next time wonderful friends and family, here's to good cups of tea and restful sleep. Enjoy the sunset form the dead sea and some photos from our SIT visit below. Love you all.
Emotionally, Intellectually, Physically, Creatively and a few more -ally words that I can't think about right now becasue of the sheer effort it would take to pry those words from the recesses of my mind and put them in this box of a blog post. So just imagine that it happened.
Emotionally
This one is pretty easy for everyone to imagine. But live it and then get back to me. Not only am I being tested on so many fronts here with just general cultural interaction (as I am finding more and more I'm just inherently incompatible with the Middle East...) but I'm also just making so many friends and keeping up with the ones back home, and my parents, and everyone in between while fostering relationships here is exhausting. I'm having to span my socialization between thousands of miles and donating proper attention to each, it's crazy.
On another note, today, during our classes trip to get group falafel deliciousness, I was told near the end of the lunch by a lovely professor who only meant well, "Sarah, cultural note..." at which point I interrupted her, knowing the inevitable and said, "too loud?". She nodded and I realized that maybe I should laugh a little less, or at least control it in public spheres. But that just sounds so sad. Besides, I love laughing. I refuse. Controlling how loudly I laugh just seems inherently against the very act of laughing itself. Sorry Jordanians sitting near me in advance.
Intellectually
Never did I think I would struggle so much in wrapping my head around things here. But I am. First off let me say, I love my advisor at home. Who else would help me work my way through anthropological issues like she does? No one, my friends, no one. She's awesome, be jealous.
So what exactly are we musing over in our discussions? Basically how my entire way of viewing culture and 'the other' has been completely thrown by this book I'm reading at the moment (Feminism and Islamic Fundamentalism: The Limits of Postmodern Analysis). Referring back to what I had previously written here in this blog about the hijab in the context of this book I truly want to just scrap everything I said and start over...maybe. I haven't finished the book yet, or made up my mind yet. Will I ever? Doubtful. Is there an easy solution? I thought so, not anymore. I'll give you a snippet of stuff I've been chewing over for a while and struggling with so maybe you can get on this confusing train with me and maybe give opinions and/or comments, I'd be interested to know how you guys look at this. Read below for some mind killing anthropological fun:
Quotation from Book: "It is also politically problematic to use postmodernism's fragmented conceptual framework to select the countries for which individual liberties and rights to self-determination, national identity, and cultural authenticity are deemed appropriate. Such and approach quickly leads breeds indifference towards poor countries and peoples outside the West. It suggests that suffering from poverty, repression, and violence is somehow endemic and 'natural', and need not be a cause for worries in the West. Eventually, people in thee societies will solve their problems at 'their own pace and rhythm', and we owe them the respect of letting this occur. Besides, the meaning of 'suffering' and 'poverty' are themselves subjects of debate, and have to be culturally defined, locally, before any global response can legitimately be offered. It should be clear that this convoluted understanding of cultural difference is incompatible with a commitment to the defense of human rights. Whatever their intent, arguments which assert the right of different cultures to establish, define, and exercise their own standards, meanings, and principles play directly into the hands of political and economic elites, religious leaders and authoritarian regimes, and above all, fundamentalists, who argue, for their own purposes, that the notion of human rights if 'culture-bound' and Western, that international measures for human rights are imperialist ploys."
Me, thinking about above Quotation: I see where she's coming from I think and am frightened a bit by how familiar it sounds to something I would have said if pressured on the topic of why it was okay for certain things to be okay in the Middle East but not in the US. However, when she says that arguments that allow cultures to define and establish their own rules are inherently incompatible with calling for the rights of humans she seems to be doing something very similar to what she warned against a sentence earlier. Because how can she define exactly what human rights are anyway? And even aside from that, that whole last sentence, while it makes a lot of sense with what she just says, seems so terrible! Not allowing different cultures to have different rules...What is the other option if that isn't it? Forcing every culture to be the same in the way that she thinks protects human rights adequately? Dr. Moghissi (the author), up at a school in Toronto telling cultures what rules are okay and which ones are just too much of an infringement. Do you see what I mean? It's so difficult to understand what she's writing sometimes and even harder to talk about it in any cohesive way. I'm just left annoyed a bit and confused because she bashed my only easy way of being nice but then didn't give me another option except (from as far as I can read into what she's writing) to call for cultures to be the same so we can ensure they're all being held accountable for human rights. And just thinking about that feels...icky, sticky, I don't know. Something's so wrong about saying it. But then she made so much sense 3 sentences or so up. I just don't know.
Anyway, that's just a little taste of how upside down my world feels intellectually. Do you see the source of exhaustion now? Also, we keep having these speakers at SIT that stir up thinking about women's issues here and abroad. It's crazy. And good, but in an annoying, "god why can't I just go back to the simplicity I had!" way.
Addendum: We just had a beautiful lecture by an amazing woman, Dr. Rula Quawas, a feminist who made me love her in one lecture. Afterward we SIT children had some awesome discussion time that has only added to all of the things I've been pondering lately. I've recorded it all for myself to listen to again and ponder over, it's too much to go through here and after the lecture and discussion I'm simply too brain-dead to write about it more or digest it even for that matter. Needless to say, there are some amazingly smart students here who, along with my own self and this book are forcing me to think even more about these things and it's great. But, back tot he theme of this post? Exhausting. Haha.
Physically
Well a group of us are attempting to train for the Dead Sea half marathon. This is actually a good thing. The serotonin from running a lot is probably keeping me sane. It's nice. Still, by the time I finish everything I had planned to do for the day (except not at all because I really need to start doing some serious ISP stuff) it's like one o' clock in the morning and I'm consistently probably not getting enough sleep at all. Must change!
Creatively
In order to stave off insanity and give myself some time to let my brain unwind a bit (which is funny to say because brains look pretty wind-y in general, haha), I decided I needed to adopt a form of artistic escape here that I often indulge in in the states. Note to others, if coming to the Middle East and you like acrylics, bring them with you. Nearly impossible to find. But I have oil pastels and a small calligraphy set (that I'm currently loving to death) that I'm using some nights when I can afford to stay up a little later or just can't focus on homework anymore that is providing a much needed escape. It's a tad counter intuitive because it's a scheduled escape, which just feels wrong, but an escape nonetheless. And I love it. Though in retaking up writing sporadically and art, I'm further stressed in trying to try new stuff and not rest of whatever artistic laurels I can claim to have as a non-artist artist.
In short, all of these things are positive stresses. But that does not stop them from being tiring. In similar fashion to Richard Bach's beautiful quotation from a favorite book, "not being known doesn't stop the truth from being true."
Anyway, just an update to keep everyone in the loop of what's going on (this time, less what's going on in Amman and more what's going on in my mind).
Until next time wonderful friends and family, here's to good cups of tea and restful sleep. Enjoy the sunset form the dead sea and some photos from our SIT visit below. Love you all.
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